1. Introduction
1.1 Why are we interested in young people’s relationships?
The Families Commission has an interest in all types of family relationships. We are interested in finding out more about the dynamics of family relationships so we can help families be strong, safe and resilient. We know that family relationships are powerful, whether they nurture or harm. We also know that all relationships require attention and maintenance, and that taking an early-intervention approach – building relationship skills and knowledge, and supporting children and young people – is likely to reap significant rewards.
Families Commission consultations with families, service providers and researchers over the last few years, which have explored issues for families, parents and couples[1], have all included a common theme – that if people are to have healthy relationships and be great parents they need to be taught relationship skills and have good support when they start to have their first relationships as teenagers.
In the Families Commission (2008b) research report Reaching Out: Who New Zealanders turn to for relationship support we found that women aged in their late adolescence up to 25 years had low awareness of the options available to support their couple relationship. That report suggested a need to explore further the relationship skills and knowledge of young people.
International research supports the view that young people’s relationships are “…a key period during which the foundations of healthy adult marriages may be strengthened” (Karney, Beckett, Collins & Shaw 2007, p. 72). Karney et al also note that “adolescents’ experiences in romantic relationships … have potentially life-altering consequences for their emotional health, social and academic competence and self-esteem. These relationships also provide the primary backdrop for intimate partner violence, decisions about whether and when to engage in sexual behaviour, contraceptive use, exposure to sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy” (p. 4). New Zealand researchers (for example, Jackson, 2002; McKenzie, 2004, Weaver, 2001, 2002) concur with this view that healthy relationships help define and have lasting effects on a young person’s identity, wellbeing, competence and self-esteem.
The purpose of undertaking this study was not to find ways to solve relationship issues for young people. Young people learn from, and build resilience through, life experience. Whether in a relationship or not, many young people spend a significant amount of time and energy thinking, talking and dreaming about being in a relationship. Boyfriends, girlfriends, crushes and flings bring emotional ups and downs. Irrespective of our age, every person benefits from support during challenging times. The purpose of this project was to find out what support young people need as they have their first relationships, in order to help them navigate their way through the emotional ups and downs.
1.2 Definitions
For the purpose of this project, young people are defined as people aged 11 to 18 years. We have used the phrase ‘boyfriends, girlfriends, crushes and flings’ to describe our focus. The project was inclusive of all relationship types, including same-sex relationships. The project did not include a focus on platonic relationships and did not specifically focus on understanding sex in young people’s relationships, although sex is obviously a key issue and event for some young people’s developing relationships. There can be a tendency to focus on sex in relationships at the expense of other important aspects, such as communication and negotiation skills, or how to deal with breaking up.
The following definition, taken from our literature review, describes the project’s focus on ‘intimate’ or ‘romantic’ relationships:
One in which the individual perceives an ongoing, reciprocated, emotional, erotically charged connection with a partner. By this definition romantic relationships need not involve sexual behaviour. (Karney et al, 2007, p. xv)
1.3 Prevalence of relationships
The formation of romantic relationships among adolescents tends to follow a developmental sequence: young people begin socialising in same-sex groups, moving on to mixed-gender groups and finally to romantic relationships as couples (Zimmer-Gembeck, 2002).
The Youth Connectedness Project (Crespo, 2009) asked 2,174 young New Zealanders aged between 10 and 15 years if they had a boyfriend or girlfriend. Almost 26 percent of boys aged 10 to 11 years and nearly 21 percent of girls the same age had a girlfriend or boyfriend at that age. By the time they had reached 14 to 15 years old these figures had risen to 32 percent for both boys and girls.
Youth’07 (Adolescent Health Research Group, 2008) reports that of their sample of 9,107 young people attending secondary school and aged 18 years or younger, most had never had sex – 38 percent of male students and 35 percent of female students reported having had sex.
During 2008, 0800WHATSUP counsellors answered 145,060 phone calls from children and young people aged five to 18 years old. In their statistical report for 2008 they note: “the five most commonly presented issues of concern vary little from year to year. Relationships with others, particularly other children, consistently present the key challenges faced by children and young people” (Barnardos, 2008, p. 5). They go on to say: “relationships with partners (girlfriends/boyfriends) [were] the main concern of teenage callers. Of all calls about partner relationships, 37 percent reported significant difficulties or relationship breakdown – a decrease from 2007. Thirty-one percent said they wanted to establish a relationship, about the same as in 2007” (p. 6). Sex-related problems (including pregnancy, sexual activity, contraception, sexual harassment and STIs) accounted for six percent of all calls to 0800WHATSUP.
Anecdotally, relationships are the number one issue for callers to Wellington Youthline. This includes romantic relationships and relationships with parents, siblings and peers. For the callers concerned with romantic relationships, managing relationships and sexual health were key issues.
1.4 Differences – girls and boys, sexuality and culture
Young people as a group are not homogeneous. Age, gender, sexuality, culture, values, personality and experiences of other relationships, especially within their family, will all influence how young people think about, feel about and engage in relationships. Consequently, the types of support young people use and find effective will be different. We already know that adults vary in the way they prefer to receive information and support. This was highlighted in our report Families Commission (2008b), which discussed the use of informal, semi-formal and formal support in adult couple relationships.
It is also obvious, but important to remember, that boys and girls, like men and women, have different ways of thinking about and working through relationships.
The project was inclusive of all relationship types, including same-sex relationships. One focus group was made up of gay and lesbian young people. The number of gay and lesbian young people is likely to be less than 10 percent of the youth population. In Youth’07 (Adolescent Health Research Group, 2008) most students (94 percent of males, 91 percent of females) reported being exclusively attracted to the opposite sex (p. 28).
Culture also affects how people discuss, think about and engage in relationships. Different cultures have different rituals or may require different behaviour regarding initiating, building and maintaining relationships. Some cultures have expectations about escorting young people on dates, arranged marriages, pre-marriage counselling or only dating people from the same ethnic group. A person’s religious beliefs and their ethnicity affect the way they conduct their intimate relationships. Some cultures are more or less liberal than others in respect of such issues as when it is appropriate for young people to have sex.
1.5 Structure of this report
Chapters 2 and 3 of this report provide an overview of the available literature and research on relationship support for young people and the methodology used in this study. Chapters 4 and 5 describe what the participants in the study told us and discuss these findings. Chapter 6 then briefly outlines the conclusions reached in this study.
Footnotes
- [1]
- Including Focus on Families (Families Commission, 2005), What Makes Your Family Tick (Families Commission, 2006), workshops with the relationship and parenting sectors held in 2007, Parenting Teenagers couch poll (Families Commission, 2008), Reaching Out (Families Commission, 2008). [Return to reference]