5. Discussion
5.1 Introduction
The responses outlined in the previous section match neatly with the YDSA (Ministry of Youth Affairs, 2002) framework for positive youth development. As noted in the introduction to this report, the YDSA distinguishes four social environments where young people learn about and get support for their relationships: family and whānau; peers; school; and community. The findings of our study will be discussed in this context in the following section.
5.2 Parents, family and whānau
Our finding that young people seek support and learn about relationships from a range of people and places, but especially family and friends, is consistent with findings in Reaching Out – Who New Zealanders turn to for relationship support (Families Commission 2008b), which reported that adults primarily sought out informal support from family and friends when they had relationship issues, rather than using formal professional support from a counsellor or psychologist.
One of the most consistent and striking themes in the focus groups with young people was how they watched their parents, caregivers, older siblings, aunts, uncles and grandparents, and viewed them as role models for the development of their own first intimate relationships. This theme was also consistently noted by the parents and whānau, and the professionals we talked with.
As young people observe their parents’ relationship – how they communicate, how they show love and so on – they are forming a view about what standards and types of behaviour are acceptable in intimate relationships. Research indicates that in families where parents discuss differences constructively, rather than having hostile disagreements in front of their children, young people tend to grow up happier and better behaved … families where parents do not engage in violence towards each other have children with less risk of anxiety, substance abuse, conduct disorder and property crime (McLaren, 2002, p. 50).
Not all parents and whānau members will be aware of how much they are watched by their children and how this information influences young people as they make choices about their own intimate relationships. There is also a difference between teaching relationship skills and talking about relationship issues, and being conscious of the daily, incidental interactions between yourself and your partner. We recommend that further consideration is given to how to raise parents’ awareness of the fact that what they do in their daily life in their own couple relationship matters to young people. This consideration could include investigating how common it is to include in parenting programmes a section on self-awareness and recognising the health of parents’ own intimate relationship.
Some young people in the study said they would not go to their parents if they had relationship issues. Some said they got better support from other family members who were not so close to them, or perhaps protective of them. A few young people talked about their parents setting up connections with other family members or adult friends so they had someone to talk to. This seems a constructive approach – where parents acknowledge that young people are likely to have relationship issues and will benefit from an adult or older person’s support, and parents acknowledge they might be too close to the young person to offer constructive support.
Some young people’s parents or whānau are unavailable, unapproachable or do not provide examples of healthy relationships. Some young people and professionals who participated in this project talked about young people needing to have huge courage to choose to live their lives in a different way – for example, by living free from violence. For these young people, positive and pro-social support provided by peers and through their school and community is critical.
Young people who observe unhealthy relationships need to be provided an alternative, healthy model of relationships. In her fact sheet, Adolescent Romantic Relationships, Sorensen (2007) states that young people do not automatically know what constitutes right and wrong behaviour in a dating relationship, and that without a clear understanding of what makes a healthy relationship, they are likely to tolerate relationships that put them at risk. This opinion is supported by research in New Zealand that recommends young women should be taught the early warning signs of ‘ownership’ by their partners, which is seen as a precursor of abusive behaviour, and be able to identify ethical and respectful relationships (Towns & Scott, 2008).
In our scan of relationship information provided to young people, we found that information about what constitutes a healthy relationship is commonly included. Both Family Planning and Parents Inc, for example, include this information in their youth resources. However, as noted by a youth worker in this study, there may be a lack of youth-friendly resources readily available to young people.
The young people in this study were clear about what they did and didn’t want by way of support from their parents and family. They also easily outlined the relationship issues they struggled with. Communicating these preferences and issues to parents, who sometimes find it difficult to raise and address their teen’s relationship issues, would be useful. For instance, some parents may be surprised by the level of distress some young people experience when a relationship breaks up. To an adult, teen breakups may seem somewhat trivial in the entire context of a young person’s life, but to the young person at that time, it is often an overwhelming event.
Only a few parents and whānau members mentioned knowing about or using resources, services or parenting programmes to help them to support their young people as they worked through relationship issues. In the light of our small sample size (n=23), this may not necessarily mean that parents lack information about young people’s relationships, or that they lack the skills to assist young people as they have relationship issues.
Two exceptions to this could be the following. Many of the young people participating in our focus groups mentioned how awkward or embarrassed their parents seemed to be when giving ‘the sex talk’. Also, in recounting their experiences of coming out, the group of gay and lesbian youth we talked with said how affected they were by their parents’ reactions.
Family Planning has excellent resources for parents, including the book Open and Honest (2007), which provides information and techniques for parents to grab the moments that present every day to discuss sex, sexuality and relationships with their children and Invisible Families (Stewart, 1993), a New-Zealand-written book for parents of lesbian and gay young people. Alternatively, Parents Inc has a focus on abstinence education which they promote to young people and their parents.
Another important issue is where parents avoid talking to their young people at all about sex. Families with traditional, conservative religious beliefs are more likely to consider premarital sex, and therefore young people having sex, to be sinful and taboo. Some cultural groups are also less inclined to talk about sex generally. Young people who are not learning about sex from their parents, and whose parents do not consent to their attendance at sexuality education classes at school, are potentially at risk of not being able to make well-informed decisions if they have a relationship.
5.2.1 Summary
The young people we talked with said they sought relationship support from various people and places, but especially family and friends. This finding is consistent with other research. They said they learnt about relationships through watching their own parents and caregivers. Not all parents will be aware of how much they are watched by their children and how this information influences young people as they make choices about their own intimate relationships.
We recommend that consideration is given to raising parents’ awareness of how what they do in their daily life in their own couple relationship matters to young people. The young people in this study were also clear about what they did and didn’t want by way of support from their parents and family, and they easily listed the relationship issues they struggled with. Communicating these preferences and issues to parents, who sometimes find it difficult to raise and address their teen’s relationship issues, would be useful.
In our scan of the relationship information that is available to young people, we found that information about what constitutes a healthy relationship is commonly included. However, there may be an issue about the availability of youth-friendly resources for young people.
Only a few parents and whānau in our small sample mentioned knowing about, using or wanting additional resources, services or parenting programmes to help them to support their young people as they worked through relationship issues. An exception to this may be relationship issues to do with sex and sexuality. In recounting their experiences of coming out, the group of gay and lesbian youth we talked with said how affected they were by their parents’ reaction. The young people participating in our focus groups mentioned how awkward or embarrassed their parents seemed to be when giving ‘the sex talk’. Another important issue is where parents avoid talking to their young people at all about sex. Young people who are not learning about sex from their parents, and whose parents do not consent to their attendance at sexuality education classes at school, are potentially at risk of not being able to make well-informed decisions.
5.3 Friends
The young people in this study all said they learnt about relationships and sought support from their friends. This confirms the findings of other research. The parents and professionals we talked with also noted the influence (both positive and negative) peers had on young people.
As noted in the introduction to this report (see reference to Weisz et al’s study of ‘informal helpers’ (2007)), the competence of peers responding to their friends’ relationship issues is of interest. Peer-support programmes are available in many schools, and they should enhance the competence and confidence of peers responding to relationship issues. It would be useful to review what other resources are available to ‘help the helpers’.
5.4 School
Three themes emerged around the education system, and they are discussed in turn in this section:
- delivery of sexuality education in schools
- the provision of student support in schools
- a four-way partnership – young people, parents and whānau, school and community.
5.4.1 Delivery of sexuality education in schools
As noted in the introduction, a considerable amount of focus has been placed in the last two years on sexuality education through ERO’s review of the curriculum in 2007.
Our overall assessment of the sexuality education curriculum can be summarised by the following four points.
First, the principles underpinning sexuality education in the curriculum appear to be sound. Information and skill-building regarding relationships appears to be appropriately included within the framework that is provided by the curriculum. The skills and information that parents and whānau in our study thought important for young people to have in order to develop healthy relationships (boundary-setting, breakups, peer pressure, alcohol, respect, self-esteem, values and the characteristics of a healthy relationship) are, by and large, covered by the curriculum.
Second, the name ‘sexuality education’ suggests that this part of the curriculum is primarily focused on learning about sex, which is in fact not the case. The emphasis is weighted too much toward sex education and too little toward relationship issues. In the United Kingdom this part of the curriculum is called sex and relationship education (SRE). Using the word relationship, in the title may achieve greater clarity for teachers, pupils and parents about what the curriculum actually covers.
Third, while the curriculum includes relationship skills as a core strand, in practice the findings of our study indicate that both young people and parents and whānau still think there is too much emphasis on the mechanics of sex and not enough focus on the emotional side of relationships. This was also noted by ERO in their 2007 review. It was also a finding of an open hearing on youth sexual and reproductive health held by the New Zealand Parliamentarians’ Group on Population and Development in 2006.
Finally, as found by the Ministries of Education and Health in response to one of ERO’s recommendations, there are probably adequate written resources available to schools and teachers to support their delivery of the sexuality education curriculum. For example, the teaching resource produced by Family Planning (2008), Te Piritahi, provides a manual complete with plans, activities and prompts for teachers to pick up.
Ultimately, while the Ministry of Education may set out a curriculum based on solid principles and a clear rationale, and make resources and professional development opportunities available, it is up to individual schools and teachers to take up those opportunities. The literature review and critical appraisal of best practice in sexuality education addresses this concern in Recommendation 9, which recommends that advisory support be available to all teachers and schools to ensure effective delivery and implementation of sexuality education throughout the school . (Learning Matters Limited, 2008)
The Families Commission will talk with the New Zealand School Trustees Association, secondary-school principals and the New Zealand Health Education Professionals Association about how a focus on relationships can be maintained and strengthened in the teaching of the health curriculum. We will also be asking how Recommendation 6 of the same literature review has been addressed – that parent education workshops/meetings be developed and provided for parents/caregivers on understanding the purpose and intent of teaching and learning in sexuality education, what sexuality education is and isn’t and how to address issues that arise at home, for example answering children’s questions .
5.4.2 Provision of student support in schools
Student support is typically provided within secondary schools by a school counsellor. Some schools have a nurse or doctor on site, and a smaller number again contract social workers to work within the school. Other schools have forged relationships with community-based youth services, such as youth health services, to ensure that young people have access to the services they need. Services like Parents Inc’s Attitude programme and Youthline also offer seminars to schools to supplement the health curriculum.
Many of the school counsellors we talked with seemed under-resourced. One school counsellor, based in the Wairarapa, said:
Ninety-five percent of a school counsellor’s work is social work, brokering services for the young person. This leaves no time for counselling and it is getting worse. The intensity and complexity of problems prevent school counsellors from seeing kids with ‘middle-range issues’, eg with relationship issues.
Student support services are funded in a school’s operational budget, which is allocated by the Ministry of Education and then prioritised for spending by individual schools’ board of trustees. Schools do not have unlimited budgets, and need to prioritise spending. However, the provision of high-quality student support is important to ensuring students are ready and able to learn. We note that section 77(a) of the Education Act (1989) states that the principal of a state school shall take all reasonable steps to ensure that students get good guidance and counselling .
We noted an apparent discrepancy between the demand for school counselling services from young people and the availability of counselling services in schools. The young people we talked with ranged from those who reported they would never go to a school counsellor to those who had, and had found the service very useful. The school counsellors we talked with all reported being inundated with requests for appointments from students and referrals from teachers. As with any service, one size does not fit all, and it is important to ensure a range of services is available to match the diverse needs of young people.
One issue raised by both the young people and the parents we talked with, but for different reasons, was confidentiality. Some young people were concerned that making an appointment with a school counsellor was not confidential, and that the counsellor might pass information on to other teachers at school. Parents were concerned that decisions were being made by young people with the support of school counsellors that they were not involved with (for example, deciding to terminate a pregnancy).
Section 77(b) of the Education Act (1989) states that the principal of a state school shall take all reasonable steps to ensure that … a student’s parents are told of matters that, in the principal’s opinion, (i) are preventing or slowing the student’s progress through the school; or (ii) are harming the student’s relationships with teachers or other students .
Relevant parts of the New Zealand Association of Counsellors Code of Ethics state that:
- 6.1 Extent of Confidentiality
- (a) Counsellors shall treat all communication between counsellor and client as confidential and privileged information, unless the client gives consent to particular information being disclosed.
- 6.2 Exceptions to Confidentiality
- (a) Counsellors shall only make exceptions to confidentiality in order to reduce risk.
- (c) Exceptions to confidentiality occur when:
- there is serious danger in the immediate or foreseeable future to the client or others
- the client’s competence to make a decision is impaired. [5]
On this issue, the Privacy Commissioner (2009) notes:
Under the Privacy Act parents do not have an automatic right of access to personal information about their children. The Privacy Act only deals with an individual’s right to request their own information. It doesn’t give a right for people to access information about others. A parent is not requesting their own information when they want information about their child. However, depending on the age of the child, we encourage agencies to take a pragmatic approach to requests from parents and release information, unless there are serious concerns why a parent should not have access to information. If a parent is requesting information from a public sector agency, such as a school, then the request for their child’s information is an Official Information Act request. Often, the parent would be entitled to get the information, unless there were serious concerns around the child’s safety or welfare, or the child was of an age to be able to express a strong view about their own choices. Under the Health Information Privacy Code parents do have a right of access to their children’s health information as long as the child is under 16.
This is a complex issue which warrants continued debate and attention.
5.4.3 A four-way partnership – young people, parents and whānau, school and community
In the talks with school counsellors for this project it was evident that some were not well linked in with local community services. Many had links with youth health services; fewer had links with services for families or parents. Student support services are predominantly youth-focused. They do not specifically aim to include parents and whānau. It could be worthwhile to explore the potential for secondary schools to provide youth workers or social workers on site so that more holistic and family-inclusive support can be provided where this is appropriate for young people who are facing relationship issues.
One of the focus groups we ran for this project was attended by both school counsellors and youth workers working in and around a provincial township. Some of the participants knew each other and some did not. They all found it useful to meet together, and at the end of the focus group one of the youth workers undertook to include all the focus group participants on an email network of local youth workers. Facilitating other networking opportunities for school counsellors and community services, including youth workers, could be useful.
We note that within the education sector there is debate about the role of schools in their wider community and the extent to which schools should go beyond their central educational functions.
Encouraging community-based youth organisations to offer their services to schools would benefit young people. The organisation 24-7 is an example of a Christian-based youth organisation that has formalised relationships with schools, particularly in Christchurch. In a study of 24-7 staff [at a secondary school] reported how youth workers reduced teacher loads in regard to sports and other extracurricular activity as well as tutoring and support for students with special needs. They were seen as powerful role models and mentors who were liked and respected by students. Youth workers were frequently used to support socially isolated students and help them establish relational networks. They were also valued for the positive impact they had on school spirit. Schools also endorsed youth workers leadership development work (from www.24-7youthwork.org.nz).
The National Youth Workers Network (NYWN) has also recognised the potential of building the relationship between schools and youth workers. In its report Real Work: A report from the national research project on the state of youth work in Aotearoa (2006), one of the needs identified was to recognise schools as an important context for youth work, and develop funding for youth workers in schools (p. 12).
5.4.4 Summary
A considerable amount of work has been undertaken in the last two years relating to sexuality education, particularly in response to an evaluation of the quality of sexuality education programmes in schools undertaken by the Education Review Office in 2007. We are of the view that:
- the principles underpinning sexuality education in the curriculum appear to be sound
- using the word relationship in the title of ‘sexuality education’ would achieve greater clarity for teachers, students and parents about what the programme actually covers
- while the curriculum includes relationship skills as a core strand, in practice the findings of our study indicate that both young people and parents and whānau still think there is too much emphasis on the mechanics of sex and not enough focus on the emotional side of relationships while there appear to be adequate written resources available to schools and teachers to support their delivery of the sexuality education curriculum, an issue appears to be that individual schools and teachers may not be making the best use of those opportunities.
Some of the school counsellors we talked with seemed under-resourced. Some also did not seem to be well linked in with local community services. Many had links with youth services, much fewer had links with services for families or parents. Facilitating networking opportunities for school counsellors and community services, including youth workers or social workers, could be useful so that more holistic and family inclusive support can be provided where this is appropriate for young people who are facing relationship issues. Young people, their families, schools and the surrounding community could all benefit from developing a four-way partnership.
5.5 Community
Role-modelling and support for young people is not confined to parents and caregivers. In his influential book The Invisible Table (2002) New Zealand youth worker Lloyd Martin talks about positive youth development occurring in a context where young people are supported by at least six significant adults. He notes: …the importance of a network of informal relationships with adults in shaping a child or young person. This type of education takes place outside the formal classroom and it includes the communication of value, of social obligations, of gender role models, and of a sense of belonging (p. 117).
Developmentally, adolescence is a time when young people begin to explore beyond their family, and relationships with peers and other adults can become more influential. (Note that this does not necessarily diminish the importance of the parenting role; it is more likely to occur in addition to that influence. Youth’07 found that most students in their survey reported feeling close to their parents (72 percent) and the great majority felt that their parents cared a lot about them (90 percent) (Adolescent Health Research Group, 2008, p. 15))
We note that mentoring services for young people have been slowly but steadily growing in New Zealand over the last 10 years. Mentoring services tend to focus on linking young people with other non-familial pro-social young people or adults. The Youth Mentoring Trust promotes effective youth mentoring opportunities for young New Zealanders and to provide professional development initiatives for individuals and organisations working in youth mentoring . Its website has a focus on showcasing what is happening in New Zealand (see www.youthmentoring.org.nz).
5.5.1 Summary
The participants in this study confirmed that role modelling and relationship support for young people are not confined to parents and whānau. Many adult family friends and people coming into regular contact with young people may have never reflected on the potential for them to proactively model positive relationships and life skills. We recommend that consideration is given to how awareness can be raised amongst adults who are in contact with young people of the fact that what they do in their daily life can positively influence young people.